My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
