They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
