I must be too annoying 4 u.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
