if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dear god my vagina.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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