I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
