He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
