I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
