I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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