i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
