I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
