Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
