i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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