Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
