I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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