Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
