my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
