seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
