Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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