For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i would one night stand the shit outta him
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
