oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
