I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
