Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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