saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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