The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
