a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Someone shit on the floor
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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