Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
