At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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