I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
