sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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