come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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