How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
