peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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