Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
