I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
