He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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