so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
