if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
