yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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