someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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