I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We left an ass print on the piano.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
