First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
