if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i think my mom watched the whole time
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
