i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
