I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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