now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
