Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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