Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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