My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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