Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
please come you make the beer taste better
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
