God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
