I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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