I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
