listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
