No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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