i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
